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Chuckles with Arlen

December 28, 2011 Leave a comment

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, if you didn’t get enough (albeit unintentional) laughs during his five terms in the Senate, the only man in D.C. funny enough to deliver his verdict in an impeachment trial citing an obscure precept of Scottish law, Mr. Snarlin’ Arlen Specter!

For what it is, it’s not a bad set. I’ve heard most of the jokes in other forms, though, so I’m thinking that he found them in the pocket of that jacket that looks like he bought at the estate sale of some former Catskills comedian (ha-cha-cha!) Be forewarned: the Senator works a little “blue” (an old school comedy term for “dirty”)

Hopefully, in 2015, he’ll be able to join by then Former Senator Al Franken on a nationwide Former Senators of Comedy tour!

(H/T Political Wire)

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In Memoriam

December 27, 2009 Leave a comment

OWBS is back (more on that later), but we begin our week with a retrospective of those important people animals we lost this year.

Endal
Beloved service dog to Gulf War veteran Allen Parton
World’s Most Distinguished Service Dog

Sybil
Pet of Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling
Briefly Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office
Removal rumored to have fueled Gordon Brown’s decline in polls

India the Cat
First Cat During Bush Administration
Name said to have fueled poor Indio-American Relations
Working on anti-Ms. Beazley bio at time of death

Gidget the Taco Bell Dog
Most offensive mascot since Frito Bandito
Rumoured to have caused hundreds of unexplained homocides in late 90’s

And last but certainly not least

Socks the Cat
No simple summary will suffice

Requiescant in pace

The Russians Control the Weather (sorta)

December 9, 2009 Leave a comment

One of my dad’s favorite stories about local culture is of a local preacher who was convinced of a number of conspiracy theories. These included a mass plot to round-up all civillians on 1/1/2000 (brought on by arrows painted on the road that turned out to be a bicycle race) and that man never landed on the moon. He also spoke of the Russians having a weather machine that would doom us all. Well, it turns out that he sort of right on that one. From the LA Times:

In the snow-hushed woods on Moscow’s northern edge, scientists are decades deep into research on bending the weather to their will. They’ve been at it since Soviet dictator Josef Stalin paused long enough in the throes of World War II to found an observatory dedicated to tampering with climatic inconveniences.

Since then, they’ve melted away fog, dissipated the radioactive fallout from Chernobyl and called down rains fierce enough to drown unborn locusts threatening the distant northeastern grasslands.

…..

In Russia, nobody rains on the parade — because the Russian government doesn’t allow it.

“Victory Day is the most sacred holiday for us,” says Bagrat Danilian, deputy chief of cloud seeding at the observatory. “When veterans go out to celebrate in Moscow, we create good weather for them.”

All it takes, he says, is sacks of cement — 500-grade, to be precise. Drop the powder down into the clouds, and they vanish.

A fascinating read, particularly for those growing weary of the winter weather that is gripping the Shenandoah Valley

We Beat the Post!

December 7, 2009 2 comments

Let the word go forth that I beat the Washington Post by more than an hour in reporting that the previously removed Dirty Deeds resurfaced at the RPV Advance Luncheon–and that I wasn’t nearly as uppity about it.

What?? I have a hat, and I need something to hang it on.

Google Senate

December 2, 2009 Leave a comment

Google has released a list of the top ten most Googled members of the Senate. It was an interesting list, but it got me thinking: What search terms might take us to the Senators home pages? Here’s my thoughts:

4. Feinstein–“California’s Conservative Senator”, “hypocrite gun owners”

5. Reid–“Droopy Dog,””dreaming of Tom Daschle”

6. Byrd–“Why nursing homes aren’t so bad,” “when I was her age Alaska was a territory”

7. Dodd–“how to get sweet mortgages like that senate guy”

10. Warner–“best teeth whitening products”, “how to screw over people and still have them love you”

A Cautionary Tale for Satirists

December 1, 2009 Leave a comment

Readers know that I am a big fan of satirical animated sitcoms. I shun use of the word cartoon because that implies that all animation is meant for children to laugh at simply at its face value. Many of the sitcoms I enjoy (South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy, King of the Hill) score their jokes off irony, word play and twisted parody, I don’t advise that children be allowed to watch them at all. The Simpsons is one possible exception, but I was the sort of child who began catching the satirical overtones around age 9–not all kids are there at that age.

That’s why I found this news item most alarming. From the AP:

hree boys have been arrested for investigation of bullying red-haired students after a Facebook message promoted “Kick a Ginger Day” at a Southern California school.
Los Angeles County sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said Monday that two 12-year-olds were arrested for suspicion of misdemeanor battery, and a 13-year-old was booked for misdemeanor cyberbullying. They were released to their parents.

For the uninitated, the word “ginger” was popularized as a description for light-skinned, freckled red-headed kids by the South Park episode “”. In the episode Cartman delivers a very nasty presentation about the children during show and tell. To get back at him, his ostensible friends turn him into a ginger using hair dye and make-up. However, Cartman ends up leading a Ginger supremacist group that ultimately kidnap his friends. They reveal their charade to him, and he suddenly begins preaching racial tolerance. The episode stabs right at the heart of the stupidity of racism in all forms, be it by a majority or by a minority group that co-opts it to fight past discrimination.

Read more…

Tim Kaine’s “Farewell Virginia, Hello Statism” Tour

November 27, 2009 Leave a comment

From Ryan Nobles at Richmond’s NBC12 comes this gem about how Governor Kaine will be spending some of his final hours in office:

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine will make a tour of a series of Restaurants on the day one of his signature legislative accomplishments goes into effect. On December 1st, Kaine will make appearances at a number of different restaurants across Virginia in honor of the first day that  Commonwealth’s ban on smoking in bars and eateries will be enforced. One of his stops will be here in Richmond. The Governor will appear at the Home Team Grill on Main Street in the Fan at 4pm.

I won’t go into length about my philosophical opposition to the smoking ban–I already did that here. But how swell is it that His Excellency is touting an increase in nanny state protections while leaving the state with a budget mess that barely covers essential services and even looks like it will leave his other landmark achievment, universal pre-K on the chopping block?

For those who smirk at my railing against statism, here’s a heartwarming Thanksgiving tale from that great bastion of nanny state thinking, Michael Bloomberg’s New York City (h/t Instapundit):

When a small church comes to the Bowery Mission bearing fried chicken with trans fat, unwittingly breaking the law, they’re told “thank you.” Then workers quietly chuck the food, mission director Tom Bastile said.

“It’s always hard for us to do,” Basile said. “We know we have to do it.” . . .

Lines at soup kitchens are up by 21 percent this year, according to a NYC Coalition Against Hunger report released yesterday. The city’s law banishing trans fat took effect in July 2008 and touched everyone with Health Department food licenses — including emergency food providers.

So come January 17th, how about just skedaddling on up to D.C. with your pal the President and work on consolidating statist thinking from the confines of the DNC? Kthanksbai.